HUDDERSFIELD,
1982
The Gospel According to Stez Styx...
We
had this gig at a right shithole in Huddersfield, but in them days we
got paid in beer.
So it was worth it.
We went in the Viva, I got the front seat coz the Beater was too scared
to fight for it.
When we got there, there was a big pile of cans in the dressing room.
So I said:
"This is my room, you two fuck off."
Can't remember anything about the gig, but we ended up at some ugly
tart's house.
I think Muttley had pulled her, just so we all had somewhere to kip.
I said I'd have the spare room and got into bed. And there was a fucking
Pakki in it!
So I kicked the Beater onto the floor, and went to sleep.
I woke up in the night, and the bastard was asleep with his head on
me chest,
snoring and stinking of bahjis.
I was just about to kill him, when he rolls over and fucking kissed
me!
The fucking twat kissed me on the shoulder!
Next thing I know Muttley's got me in a headlock shouting:
"Calm down he was only dreamin'! He didn't mean it! Now, put down the
sledgehammer,
and take your foot off the Pakki... Easy now... its alright."
The
Koran, According to The Beater...
This
was another shit gig, in another shit pub.
We went in the Viva, which had no heating in it, and it was always breaking
down.
And we wern't getting paid. Except ale.
Which means them two would drink it all.
When we got there, Stez locked himself in the beer cellar,
and by the time we found him, he'd drunk the place dry.
At least the crowd couldn't chuck ale at us.
Anyway, the drumming was crap, and that fat twat can't sing, or play
bass.
But my powerchords were brilliant. As usual.
No one appreciated it, though. They just wanted to sing along with the
rude bits.
I pulled this fit bird, and we all went back to hers.
We had to carry Stez, who was being sick everywhere and threatening
everyone.
We chucked him on this bed, to let him sleep it off.
Then Muttley, the sad bastard, told this bird that I'd got crabs or
herpes,
and she fucked me off.
So I went to sleep in Stez's room.
I woke up in the night, and the fucker's mumbling in his sleep and kissing
me!
Of course, Muttley dragged me off before I killed him.
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