MACC LADS TRACKLIST Be-Bu
Git- This is one true story
for which I can vouch. The 100 Club in London supplied the band with
cans of Co-op best bitter and three platters of Safeway individual value
pork pies. Nevis consumed the lot, and I was witness to the devastating
Muttley- Fuck pig! That journey home was grim. I was driving
up the motorway, and everyone but Nevis was asleep. He grinned and lifted
a buttock up. I was choking, but the window wouldn't wind down. Everyone
in the back woke up, and they were dying.
Mungo- I couldn't see 'coz the air was brown.
Beater- I got fur on me teeth.
O'Peesha- We were all trying to climb into the front to get the
passenger window open, but the fat twat was holding it shut. My eyes
were streaming, and I couldn't open the back doors. I really thought
we were all going to die.
Chorley- I was trying to smash the back window with a mikestand,
but Git was fighting with me, coz he'd hired the van. Me lungs were
bursting and me eyes were popping, then Mungo dragged me out.
I woke up
in this field, and even the sparrows were coughing.
II (GAS! GAS!)
Git- For reasons beknown unto
Muttley & Mard reworked the original,
verse and the rhythm and the chorus.
Oh yes, and changing the lyrics.
They claim it is still the same song. I have my doubts.
Git- This title is one of Muttley's
beloved 'three way puns'-
a concept guaranteed to throw the
Beater into paroxysms
of confusion- not being convinced of the single variety.
Beater- Yer what?
Beater- Those fuckers never
told me there was a spare jack... the cunts.
Stez- Is that why you always fucked up the intro?
Muttley- Yeah, listen to that intro we put on the sheep 12"-
the pissed bastard!
Chorley- Abdul wasn't the only one who fucked up the intro...
Mard- Guilty as charged.
Git- Muttley's tale of the
world's worst toilet. Situated, I believe, next to his bedroom.
would describe it has somewhere between a wildlife sanctuary and Hell.
Git- This track displays the spectacular talents
of 'Clash' our shop assistant.
has been known to clear a pub in seconds with one of his 'power burps'.
Muttley- I spend bloody minutes writing the words for
then this bird comes up and says:
fancy going halves on a mattress?" Oh for fuck's sake!
Chorley- 'Mattress' sounds better.
Mard- Does it arse! It sounds like your going to Ikea.
Not that I've ever been there.
In fact I
don't know where it is.
Muttley- The first thing
we ever did. I was still at school when I wrote this.
Mard- And you got top marks for it an' all, you fucking swot.
Stez- We ran in the studio to record this, and I was going to
so me and Abdul had
a race for the guitar. Muttley shouts: "Look Stez! A poof!"
So I go legging
it down a corridor, and the bastard was winding me up.
By the time
I got back, there was only the drums left.
have been the axeman ... then it would have been a proper band.
Beater- No it wouldn't. You're rubbish.
Git-My boys were often found
buggering around with expensive studio time.
credited to "Fatman Turner Overweight" it fooled no one.
It was in
fact McCavity singing whilst eating a pie- or to be more precise...
at a cost of 47p each.
Chorley- We started singing this in the van on the way to a gig.
I should sing it in the studio, but I was watching my weight.
McCavity- I fucking well wasn't.
Beater- We nearly got a proper
record deal out of this song.
Mard- But the Argies surrendered, coz they heard I was
on me way over.
Muttley- This was a great story to write about, coz the news
was on the telly and radio all day.
No came round, I opened the door and he says:
"Ardiles rhymes with Malvinas!" ...And
O'Peesha- The QE2 got requisitioned for the Task Force, and they
were interviewing all these Yanks
coming off the ship at Southampton:
d'you think about the war, fat Yank?"
And the Yank
replies: "Nuke 'em 'til they glow!"
to go in the song.
Git- In an uncharacteristically
benevolent mood, I sanctioned the despatch of free cassettes of this
song to our troops in the Gulf.
One of the
lucky recipients was tootling through the desert in his tank, when Iraqi
guns were spotted.
They were ordered to ignore them, but the crew said: "Fuck it!"
And charged the enemy
to the sounds of "Get at 'em!" Sadly, the Iraqis had no ammunition,
and surrendered immediately.
It is nice to think that we did our bit for the war effort, albeit from
the relative safety
of the Bear's Head.