MACC LADS TRACKLIST Be-Bu

BEN NEVIS

Git- This is one true story for which I can vouch. The 100 Club in London supplied the band with 24 cans of Co-op best bitter and three platters of Safeway individual value pork pies. Nevis consumed the lot, and I was witness to the devastating effects.

Muttley- Fuck pig! That journey home was grim. I was driving up the motorway, and everyone but Nevis was asleep. He grinned and lifted a buttock up. I was choking, but the window wouldn't wind down. Everyone in the back woke up, and they were dying.
Mungo- I couldn't see 'coz the air was brown.
Beater- I got fur on me teeth.
O'Peesha- We were all trying to climb into the front to get the passenger window open, but the fat twat was holding it shut. My eyes were streaming, and I couldn't open the back doors. I really thought we were all going to die.
Chorley- I was trying to smash the back window with a mikestand, but Git was fighting with me, coz he'd hired the van. Me lungs were bursting and me eyes were popping, then Mungo dragged me out.
I woke up in this field, and even the sparrows were coughing.

BEN NEVIS II (GAS! GAS!)

Git- For reasons beknown unto themselves,
Muttley & Mard reworked the original,
changing the verse and the rhythm and the chorus.
Oh yes, and changing the lyrics.
They claim it is still the same song. I have my doubts.

BITTER, FIT CRACK

Git- This title is one of Muttley's beloved 'three way puns'-
a concept guaranteed to throw the Beater into paroxysms
of confusion- not being convinced of the single variety.
Beater- Yer what?

BLACKPOOL

Beater- Those fuckers never told me there was a spare jack... the cunts.
Stez- Is that why you always fucked up the intro?
Muttley- Yeah, listen to that intro we put on the sheep 12"-
              the pissed bastard!
Chorley- Abdul wasn't the only one who fucked up the intro...
McCavity- Guilty!
Mard- Guilty as charged.

BLACK LATRINE

Git- Muttley's tale of the world's worst toilet. Situated, I believe, next to his bedroom.
I would describe it has somewhere between a wildlife sanctuary and Hell.

BLOIK!

Git- This track displays the spectacular talents of 'Clash' our shop assistant.
He has been known to clear a pub in seconds with one of his 'power burps'.

Muttley- I spend bloody minutes writing the words for this,
then this bird comes up and says:
"Do you fancy going halves on a mattress?" Oh for fuck's sake!
Chorley- 'Mattress' sounds better.
Mard- Does it arse! It sounds like your going to Ikea.
Not that I've ever been there.
In fact I don't know where it is.

BODDIES

Muttley- The first thing we ever did. I was still at school when I wrote this.
Mard- And you got top marks for it an' all, you fucking swot.

Stez- We ran in the studio to record this, and I was going to be guitarist,
so me and Abdul had a race for the guitar. Muttley shouts: "Look Stez! A poof!"
So I go legging it down a corridor, and the bastard was winding me up.
By the time I got back, there was only the drums left.
I should have been the axeman ... then it would have been a proper band.
Beater- No it wouldn't. You're rubbish.

BREVIL BREVIL

Git-My boys were often found buggering around with expensive studio time.
Originally credited to "Fatman Turner Overweight" it fooled no one.
It was in fact McCavity singing whilst eating a pie- or to be more precise...
14 pies at a cost of 47p each.

Chorley- We started singing this in the van on the way to a gig.
Muttley said I should sing it in the studio, but I was watching my weight.
McCavity- I fucking well wasn't.

BUENOS AIRES

Beater- We nearly got a proper record deal out of this song.
Mard- But the Argies surrendered, coz they heard I was on me way over.

Muttley- This was a great story to write about, coz the news was on the telly and radio all day.
Ray No came round, I opened the door and he says:
"Ardiles rhymes with Malvinas!" ...And fucks off.
O'Peesha- The QE2 got requisitioned for the Task Force, and they were interviewing all these Yanks coming off the ship at Southampton:
"What d'you think about the war, fat Yank?"
And the Yank replies: "Nuke 'em 'til they glow!"
That had to go in the song.  

BUENOS AIRES 90

Git- In an uncharacteristically benevolent mood, I sanctioned the despatch of free cassettes of this song to our troops in the Gulf.
One of the lucky recipients was tootling through the desert in his tank, when Iraqi guns were spotted. They were ordered to ignore them, but the crew said: "Fuck it!" And charged the enemy to the sounds of "Get at 'em!" Sadly, the Iraqis had no ammunition, and surrendered immediately. It is nice to think that we did our bit for the war effort, albeit from the relative safety of the Bear's Head.

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